How Carburetors work

[aprilmaybe]

Disclaimer....I did not write this. I was cleaning up my computer today and found it. I can't remember where it came from---it actually helps too

Basics of Carburetor Operation ------------------------------------------------------------------
The basic secret of carb function is that inside each carb are thousands of tiny gnomes; each with a small bucket. As you open the throttle, more of these gnomes are allowed out of their house and into the float bowl, where they fill the buckets and climb up the carb's passages to the intake, where they empty their buckets into the air stream. But, if you don't ride the bike for a while, bad things can happen. Tiny bats take up residence in the chambers of the carb, and before long the passages are plugged up with guano. This creates a gnome traffic jam, and so not enough bucketfuls of fuel can get to the engine. If it gets bad enough, the gnomes simply give up and go take a nap. The engine won't run at all at this point. Sometimes you'll have a single dedicated gnome still on the job, which is why the bike will occasionally fire as the gnome tosses his lone bucket load down the intake. There has been some research into using tiny dwarves in modern carbs. The advantage is that unlike gnomes, dwarves are miners and can often re-open a clogged passage. Unfortunately, dwarves have a natural fear of earthquakes, as any miner should. In recent tests, the engine vibrations caused the dwarves to evacuate the Harley Davidson test vehicle and make a beeline for the nearest BMW dealership. Sadly, BMW's are fuel injected and so the poor dwarves met an unfortunate end in the rollers of a Bosch fuel pump. Other carb problems can also occur. If the level of fuel in the float bowl rises too high, it will wipe out the Section 8 gnome housing in the lower parts of the carb. The more affluent gnomes build their homes in the diaphragm chamber, and so are unaffected. This is why the bike is said to be "running rich". If the fuel bowl level drops, then the gnomes have to walk farther to get a bucketful of fuel. This means less fuel gets to the engine. Because the gnomes get quite a workout from this additional distance, this condition is known as "running lean". The use of the device known only as the 'choke' has finally been banned by PETG (People for the Ethical Treatment of Gnomes) and replaced by a new carb circuit that simply allows more gnomes to carry fuel at once when the engine needs to start or warm up. In the interests of decorum, I prefer not to explain how the 'choke' operated. You would rather not know anyway. So, that's how a carburetor works. You may wish to join us here next week for electricity 101, or "How your bike creates cold fusion inside the stator, and why the government doesn't want you to know about it." --

[badnoodle]

But....but....what about the magic smoke that lives in all mechanical and electronic devices?

I've spent my life trying to keep the magic smoke inside the box, and now it turns out that I've got gnomes to placate, too? I hate gnomes. Except for David the Gnome, who was cool, and 400 years old, and also rode a fox.

Gnomes are evil little creatures that'll bite you as soon as look at you, with their yellow gnomish teeth. They like nothing more than to crawl up the pant leg of an unsuspecting gent on the way to a meeting or presentation and gnaw on his privates just when he can't scratch.

Gnomes are also responsible for mold colonies in the fridge. It's true! They need the mold for use in their evil key, remote control, and pen  teleportation spells.   They also take great delight in stealing one sock from each pair out of the dryer, disintegrating it, and using it to clog the vaccuum cleaner.

They're the ones to blame for hiding your other shoe, the last beer, and that $20 you swear you had in your wallet. Some aquatic gnomes in the bathroom make the toilet run all night and let all the plastic stuff in the dishwasher melt on the heater coil. (And of course, they love to paint rings around the bathtub.

So, in short, Gnomes Must Die.

I hate gnomes.